I’ve been calling librarians recently, and I’ve learned that almost nobody goes to storytelling events anymore. And those who do are parents with kids under the age of 5.

When I started 11 years ago, there were hundreds of people showing up at libraries and a variety of ages. Naturally I developed material that worked with a broad age range.

As much as I like telling stories to kids under 5 (and their parents), I do miss the diversity.

So, what happened? I don’t know. It’s not just me, because I’m talking to librarians who have never hired me. They say that magicians, musical acts, animal trainers and snake handlers draw big crowds. Storytelling, not so much.

My theories (and it’s all conjecture are:

  1. Storytime is targeted at the pre-reader crowd, so everybody assumes that storytelling will be the same…
  2. Parents have overscheduled their kids. This is something I’ve heard from the Librarians, but I don’t really know. 10 years ago, there were just as many overscheduled kids…
  3. The Internet, Cable and Video Games… Lots of kids do these things instead of reading (or going to the library). They’re exciting and fun. And the perception of storytelling is….
  4. Storytelling is “educational”. This is true–sometimes. When I perform in schools, my work is educational. When I’m at a library, however, it’s just plain fun. That said, if the storytellers of the world have niched towards being “educational” do you think a kid really wants to see us at the library
  5. Boring and bad storytelling that doesn’t deal with the reality of the audience. I’m not going to point names or accuse anyone here. Some storytellers (and even me at times) don’t deal with the fact that they have 20 kids under 5, 15 seven year olds, 3 nine year olds, 5 twelve year olds and 30 adults in the audience. They narrow-cast their stories to one particular age group and everybody else is (dare I say it) bored.

So, what the heck can I, as someone who loves to share my stories in libraries, do to counter-act this trend?

For libraries, I’m changing the name of what I do. I do Comedy Storytelling for Kids. Yep. Not a bunch of knock knock jokes (Although I might throw in a few). I do what Bill Cosby used to do (before he became “educational”). I tell stories that are funny. (Mostly).

I also have a number of other practices that help manage the crowd…

At the start of every show, I let the older kids know that I’ll be telling some stories for the younger kids, but that I’ll be telling stories for them, too. I let the younger kids know that they’re going to get some stories they’ll love. And then I tell everyone that listening can be hard for grown-ups, so if their parents get fidgety or start to talk, please feel free to take them outside.

More to come on this subject.

I just finished reading Richard Florida’s new book, “The Great Reset” (I’ll let you Amazon it…) and was less than impressed. Florida does a fair job of outlining how we got here, but its stuff you mostly know about the collapse of the banking system, overinflated housing prices, loss of jobs overseas, and the rise of suburbs. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Richard Florida's new book

There's nothing snazzier and more 2010 than a Rubic's cube

His concept (kindof like a movie pitch) is that we’re not going into a depression, it’s a reset. It’s normal. And yes, it hurts. But hopefully not us. (I mean you and me and of course Richard Florida.) He gives a few “success” stories of cities that have weathered some earlier incarnations of the “reset” — Boston and Pittsburgh. But really offers no compelling advice, or at least nothing new. Yes, we’re supposed to improve our education system to provide educated workers. Yes, we’re supposed to become more urban. Yes, we’re supposed to increase the value of the service and idea economy.

Okay…. So then what?

He’s got this idea that new technology and new ideas will spring up, as if by magic. And that will save us. And we don’t know what these are. Government, he says, can help, but maybe not.

(How about creating a powerful Green economy to improve energy efficiency, increase rail and public transportation and provide more locally grown foodstuffs? These are hinted at but not really built on.)

In the meantime, there’s not alot to go on about how to survive the reset.

Great title though.

Hiya,

The Holiday season begins with Ramadan, a Muslim holiday celebrated for a month. During Ramadan, folk fast during the day, and eat after dark.

I was in a Halal restaurant in Boston for lunch yesterday, and the owner explained that they closed during the day, opened at sunset and were busy until two a.m.
“Hard work, but a lot of fun,” the owner said.

To celebrate, I’ve been telling Ramadan stories all week.
One of them was videoed at the Boston Bruins event on Monday in Plainfield

The story, “My House is Too Small For Ramadan” is a traditional story filtered through my sensibility and told (with the help) of a crowd of kids.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai48J8vVxOo

After the show, someone came up to me and said, “My son recognized that story, but it was about Rosh Hashanah!”
Evidently, the PJ Library released that edition of the story.

I think it’s wonderful that the story, which has been retold from China to London, can be reframed to make it both universal and specific.

To listen my favorite version of the story on “A Holiday Present” my new album. Download the whole album.
It’s finally in some stores (release date to come) or you can download the album story  on iTunes or Rhapsody!
http://bit.ly/holiday_itunes

So, to all the Muslims out there, the traditional Jewish Yom Kippur greeting, “Have a good fast!”

—————-
More Video!
—————–
Yes, the Barkminder enters the 21st century….

A video new story about my recent performance in Providence’s Kennedy Plaza on GoLocal Prov:

http://www.golocalprov.com/lifestyle/storytellers-lure-families-to-kennedy-plaza/

And here’s the new BarkMinder video channel:
http://www.youtube.com/barkminder

by Mark Binder

– for Max, who is away at camp –

My cousin, Adam Siegel couldn’t boogie board to save his life. When we went to the beach, he would mostly stay on shore and watch everyone else have fun. While every other kid on the planet was in the water, Aunt Dot, would slather Adam with so much sunscreen, he’d look like a white oil slick trying to read.

Adam refused to go out with us. It wasn’t that he was afraid of the water, he was afraid of the sand.

The first time Adam visited us in Rhode Island was the summer that he and I were just barely six. Adam’s Dad had been killed in the service, and Aunt Dot had just met this guy, Paul. Later, Paul would become Adam’s step-dad, but we didn’t know that at the time. In one of those horrible bonding sessions that you usually only see in cheesy movies, Paul decided to take me and Adam and my sister Ellen to the beach for a day of fun. My mother and Aunt Dot were thrilled to have time to themselves without kids. They sent Paul and us off with lots of warnings about the sun and food and to be careful.

As soon as we got to the beach, Paul popped the trunk and pulled out these boards made out of four pieces of Styrofoam he’d cut by hand in his garage. “I call ‘em Boogie Boards,” he said, “because we’re really gonna boogie on ‘em! You know, dance? Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Paul was way into the Seventies, and we were skeptical. We’d never seen anything like them before, and they just didn’t look safe. But Uncle Paul demonstrated, and survived, so we decided to give them a try.

If you don’t know what a boogie board is, imagine hanging on to the top three feet of a surfboard. You run into the surf, look over your shoulder, and when a wave comes, hop on. These days, they come with a tether tethered to your arm to keep it from getting swept away when you wipe out, but Uncle Paul hadn’t thought of that, so we had to go chasing after them. There’s little or no skill involved, but they transform a day at the beach from fun to truly awesome.

Ellen, who was two years older than me, didn’t have any problems and was soon riding like a pro. I got the hang of it after about half an hour.

Adam was another story. Part of it might’ve been his resistance to Paul. Adam’s dad had only died a year earlier, and I know my cousin missed his father terribly. But mostly Adam was an Army brat, who had grown up on military bases around the world, and had never really been exposed to the ocean in all its glory and might.

Paul, for his part, was almost completely clueless about what to do with little kids. He figured he’d just load us into the water and let us play. He didn’t know that six-year-old boys need constant minding to prevent dismemberment and death. He was laughing and joking, encouraging and cajoling and generally having a good time.

The problem is that you can’t ride a board yourself and pay attention to someone else. There’s no control on a boogie run, and your head has a tendency to go underwater when you least expect it.

So, when I finally got Adam out above his shoulders to catch a moderately big wave, Paul wasn’t looking.

The ocean is a surprising place. One moment it’s amazingly calm, and a moment later it can be violently rough. Something like that happened while Adam and I were out there. One instant we were laughing, and the next, Adam was gone. Just gone.

I started freaking out. Ellen started screaming. Paul, who had been laughing, turned as white as a ghost with fear. The lifeguard started blowing her whistle. Everyone was running around like crazed seagulls.

It seemed like forever, but it must’ve only been a minute or two later that we found him. It had been a wipeout of massive proportions. Adam was way up on the beach, buried up to his waist with his feet sticking up out of the sand. He was fine. His face was a little scraped, and he was mightily embarrassed but not bleeding. Paul immediately wiped him off and bought us all ice cream, but no matter how much he begged and pleaded, Adam wouldn’t go back into the water that day, and from then on, he stayed away from the boogie boards.

(For his part, every time we went to the beach, Uncle Paul would grumble that he should have patented and trademarked the whole boogie board concept.)

Flash forward five years to the first killer hot day of the summer. Adam and I were eleven. Ellen was thirteen. Paul and Aunt Dot had been married for a while. My parents had loaded everybody up into the mini-van and we’d trucked off to Scarborough for the day.

Scarborough is an awesome beach with big waves, white sands and a fantastic snack bar. Everybody was in the water, even the grown-ups, because it was so hot. My parents, Aunt Dot and Uncle Paul were floating about, drinking iced coffee from plastic cups.  Ellen had met up with some girlfriends from school and had wandered off to flirt with boys. I was boogie boarding, and Adam was sitting by himself on shore, trying to read a fat book on Greek Mythology.

I kept shouting at him, trying to get him to come in. Every so often Uncle Paul would frown; I think he still felt bad for traumatizing Adam at such an early age.

The morning went by in like fifteen minutes, and before we knew it, my Mom and Aunt Dot were insisting that everybody get out of the water for a while to eat lunch and digest. Nobody wanted the soggy sandwiches we’d packed, so Uncle Paul and Dad got us chowder and a huge bucket of clamcakes, which are basically deep-fried clam doughnut holes. Clamcakes are the most awesome and perfect food for the beach, because whatever you don’t eat, you can throw to the seagulls, who catch them in midair.

We were dozing in a greasy food coma, so nobody noticed when Adam sneaked off with a boogie board and began playing in the water by himself.

It was like him to do things like that. He was a solitary kid, and it was hard for him to get up the courage to go out at all. Never mind the fact that it was stupid thing to do, Adam didn’t want anyone else to see him, an eleven-year old, just now learning how to boogie board.

As a result, he’d been gone for a while before we noticed he was missing, and at first no one thought anything about it. Grownups were more laid back in those days. Ellen was off with her friends, and none of the parents figured that Adam would be in the ocean.

It was when the lifeguards started blowing their whistles for everybody to get out of the water that we realized Adam was missing.

The whole scene was weird. Nobody really had to clear out of the water, because the water itself was peeling back away from shore. It was like it was suddenly low tide. The water was just gone, and you could see all sorts of hidden things like rocks and crabs and clumps of clams digging their way under.

We didn’t think much of it, until one of the guards came over the loudspeaker announcing that the beach was closed and asking everyone to evacuate in a quick and orderly fashion.

If you want to panic a bunch of beach goers, tell them to evacuate in an orderly fashion. Suddenly everyone was grabbing their coolers and towels and running for the exit.

Later on, we found out about the underwater earthquake off Georges Bank. We read in the newspaper about the way that tsunamis work, the way water recedes unexpectedly and then comes crashing back to shore all at once in a monstrously big wave. Tsunamis have wiped out villages and even cities, but as I said we didn’t know about them at the time.

All we knew was that everybody was running, and Adam was gone.

Aunt Dot was hysterical. Uncle Paul and Dad didn’t know what to do. They were trying to get the family back to the van and search for Adam at the same time. The lifeguards were no help, and I don’t suppose you can blame them. They were the only ones trained in disasters, but they were still young kids, and rather than helping, they hightailed it out as soon as they could.

Fortunately for everyone it was a small earthquake and a tiny tsunami.

The beach was empty. There was no surf. No people. Everybody was stuck in their cars. The parking lot was jammed. The road was bumper to bumper. Nobody was moving.

All of the seagulls had flown away.

It would have been was almost perfectly quiet, except for us.

My whole family was running up and down the beach, screaming, “Adam! Adam! Adammmmm!”

“Look!” Ellen said, pointing out to sea.

The wave was coming in. It looked like a gigantic black wall of water moving toward shore like a bulldozer.

And bobbing right at the top of the wave, riding a red boogie board right at the curl was a white glistening shape with brown hair and glasses.

“Ba-gahh-Bagah!!” my father shouted, making no sense whatsoever.

There wasn’t time to run away or do anything else.

“When the water hits, take a deep breath and dive into it,” Uncle Paul yelled, handing each of us a boogie board. “If you get dragged out to sea, stay on the board.”

Ellen looked terrified. My mother gave us both quick hugs. Dad said goodbye. Aunt Dot was in tears; she was watching Adam coming closer and closer.

Then the wave hit, and we dove in.

It was like being thrown into an industrial size washing machine on an overloaded spin cycle. Everything whirled and twirled. I thought I saw three lobsters swim by as I hung onto my board. It was dark and loud and salty. For a while I felt like my lungs were going to burst. I didn’t know which way was up.

And then it was gone and I was floating on smooth seas not fifteen feet from shore, surrounded by my whole family. Ellen was sobbing. My Dad and Uncle Paul looked shell-shocked, but my mother and Aunt Dot were already busy scanning the shoreline.

I saw him first, and I had to grin and laugh. “There he is!”

Adam was standing up on top of one of the lifeguard chairs. He was holding his boogie board over his head, jumping up and down and shouting over and over, “Whaaaaaahooo! Whaaaahoooo!”

We all paddled into shore.

By the time we got to the base of the chair, Adam was down, had his boogie board under his arm and was heading back toward the sea.

His mother and Uncle Paul intercepted him, wrapped him in their arms and gave him hugs.

“Did you see that?” he shouted. “Did you see that? I rode that wave. That was awesome!”

“You are not going back out there,” Aunt Dot said.

“Come on!” Adam moaned. “That was my first ride on a boogie board ever. I want to do it again.”

But they were all firm. Nobody was going back into the water until the lifeguards gave an all clear. And of course the lifeguards all stuck in traffic like everybody else.

Later on, we learned how lucky we’d all been that the wave was so small.

But I think we knew that at the time. We sat by ourselves for a while, the only people on the long empty beach, watching the debris float about and the seagulls return one by one.

Since that day, Aunt Dot and my Mom and Ellen freak out every time we want to go to the beach.

But Adam and me, we go in with authority and a certain amount of swagger, because we know how to boogie board.

THE END

Copyright 2010 by Mark Binder. All Rights Reserved

By the time the lights went down, the Housing Works Bookstore Cafe was packed to the rafters with 350 listeners and aspiring “tellers.” In post Station Nightclub Fire Rhode Island, they never would have been allowed to put even half that number into the space.

Forty people had signed up to tell. Only ten would be picked.

It was nail biting for me. Just before they called the next name, I pushed the “record” button on my iPhone, hoping to hear my name….

Next up…  “Marrrr..” (me?) “..go Lightman.”

It was excruciating. Fortunately for me, I was able to put my massive jealousy aside, once I got over the disappointment and just listen to the stories.

I’m not going to go into a pathological dissection at this point, largely because it would seem (and be) self-serving and a bit on the catty side. I realize that’s some of what blog posting is all about, but the storytellers did their best. The woman who won deserved it, as did a few of the others.

The story I wanted to tell was, “The Boy Who Hated Potato Latkes” off my upcoming album, “A Holiday Present“. I was going to start it off with a different beginning, because the audience was all adults and not kids:

“It was Hanukkah, and we were eating potato latkes. The room was thick with the mouth-watering smell of frying potato pancakes, because when God commands Jews to eat fried food, they do it with gusto. Everybody’s plate was full, except for my son Max. He doesn’t like food with flavor…”

It would’ve worked. It would have killed.

They never called my name. (SOB! WAAAH. BOO!)

In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, so it goes.

Anyway, at the end, they allow everyone who didn’t get a chance to tell their story to tell their first line.

I did. I changed the line to make sure it would work. I killed.

You can listen in…

Mark Binder’s Opening Line at the Moth

It wasn’t going to be a waste of time. The trip to New York would be pleasant, relaxing and fun. I would have a chance to hang out with some old and good friends, to wander New York, visit the Cooper Hewitt Museum, read and think.

My evening at The Moth‘s open mic story slam was supposed to be to be a career-making move. It was an opportunity to share my work, tell my story, and promote my forthcoming album at a nationally known venue. Was it going to pay off?

Briefly, The Moth is an organization that has caused every other already existing storytelling organization in the world to shake and become jealous. In a matter of years, it has gone from a small but savvy open-mic to the largest and most widely known producer of live story performance nationwide. With branches in other cities, including Chicago and LA, and syndication through NPR, they have excelled in creating a powerful, effective and moving brand, and capitalizing on it.

The types of stories told at Moth events are, by and large, true life tales, which is one of the reasons I could admire the organization from a distance, but not get particularly upset at their well-deserved success.

Those of you who know me, know that, in public. I like making things up. I like telling tall tales, whoppers and big fat lies. I find the idea of spilling my life to other people in public for profit somewhat nauseating. This American Life, which is the honored parent to the Moth, tells the kinds of stories that are deep and moving and often intensely voyeuristic. They reveal the “true stories” of people who are more badly off, more disturbed, more fucked up than you or I. (We hope!) And because they are presented on NPR, well crafted and well edited, we can “enjoy” them and allow ourselves to share the experience, secure that our life and world is superior and distant, or at least more fortunate (we hope) than the experiences portrayed in the story.

After listening to a collection of Moth stories on CD, that was largely  my impression of the events, so I wrote them off with a shrug.

Meanwhile, I’ve visited our local Moth-like venue, Live Bait, and told some stories. Most were lies, one was deep and powerful, but something that I will never tell again. I enjoyed the company and the experience. Seeing 70 or 80 people turning up in Providence on a Friday night at 10pm to listen and tell stories was a delight. Being able to tell “adult” stories was a joy.

But over time, I started to feel uncomfortable. First of all, my disregard for the truth went against the grain of their philosophy. I was supposed to be telling true-life stories, so I wasn’t playing by the rules. (I have a whole long story about the origin of this called, “Telling Stories with Spalding” that I have yet to record/write in its final form.) I would much rather tell about the time I took my son on “The Wall of Death” than share my first botched (or successful) sexual experience with a roomful of strangers. I am primarily a fiction writer, and I try to craft tales of wonder (and joy) from my imagination – sometimes based on fact, but often based on whimsy.

Another point of discomfort was the change in the way the event ran. At first, you’d show up and sign up for a slot. But then as it got more popular, names were drawn from a fishbowl. This meant that there was no guarantee that one would actually get to tell stories. Also, in the beginning, I recorded myself with my phone. After a time, though, the release forms were dragged out and I found myself signing away the “rights” to the audio recording of my story.

As a professional writer and storyteller, this aspect of Live Bait (and The Moth) appalls me. It is part of the rights grab that is going on around the world where publishers and producers want to own it all without appropriate compensation. The venue then has the ability and right to do whatever they want with the recording, including reselling it.  In fact, the storyteller pays an admission fee for the privilege of signing over her rights.

Allow me a brief ranting digression…

<Rant>It’s hard enough making a living as a writer and a storyteller. I don’t mind if my stories are used with permission or in some way that promotes my work. (obviously) But to demand the perpetual right to use my work, and my image, without any compensation is greedy and amateur. Of course record producers do/did it all the time. How come people are outraged for the old blues performers, who were robbed by their managers and recording companies in similar fashion, but for something like this… Eh.</Rant>

Okay, so I knew what I was getting into when I went to The Moth. I was paying $7 to sign away the rights to my story. I was traveling three and a half hours  each way on the bus ($81 plus $12 parking) to put my name in the hat for an open mic.

And there was no guarantee that I’d even get to say my piece.

(to be continued)

What’s Your Story?

Recently, I led a storytelling workshop for environmental scientists, administrators and activists from around the world. These magnificent leaders were meeting at the University of Rhode Island’s Coastal Resources Management Center to pool knowledge and learn how to change their local ecosystems and social systems.

During one exercise, I asked them to prepare a one minute “elevator speech” about four things:

  1. Who are you (what is your name)?
  2. Where are you from (what country/town/village)?
  3. What is your job (what do you do for a living)?
  4. Why are you here?

The group were meeting with a pack of environmental journalists that evening, and the idea was to give them the ability to quickly insert snippets of their “story” into the reporters’ heads.

Of course the first time you do something like this, one minute is rarely enough, but they persisted.

The most fascinating component was the sputtering and stuttering that many of them did around their jobs. I was overhearing answers like, “I try to get local fisherman to listen because the environment that they are living in is changing and if they don’t modify…”

Yawn!

During the commentary period, I made a suggestion. When someone asks, “What do you do?” or “What is your job?” simply tell them your job title.

One participant was the “Head of Coastal Disaster Mitigation Division for the Ministry of Marine Affairs and Fisheries of Indonesia.”

Another was “Supervising Aquaculturist at the Philippines Bureau of Fisheries and Aquatic Resources.”

A third was the “Deputy Director of Spatial Planning and Conservation for the Tanzania Coastal Management Partnership.”

Such amazing and descriptive titles! So fascinating to Americans and journalists in particular.

There is power in the words that you use to describe your job. Speak those proudly and assert that this is who you are. Your authority will be asserted and the questions will follow.

Yesterday, my friend Jim Stahl and I were talking about going sailing, and Jim mentioned he might be going to The Moth in New York instead. We’d already talkwed about my snootyness around telling “true life” stories, but as soon as I saw the theme, I started to make my plans to go. Jim, on the other hand, changed his mind, and will be off on his boat in the middle of Narragansett Bay while I’m sweltering on a bus in New York City traffic.

The goal: Get to the Moth, get in line, pay $7 and hope that I get to tell my story.

The theme is “Father” and I’m planning on telling, “The Boy Who Hated Potato Latkes” (though I won’t call it that.) My agent wants me to do it to promote my new album, “A Holiday Present.”   So, I’m spending some bucks and a day on that one-in-a -million (more like 5 in 100) shot of fame in New York City.  Worth a try.

And of course I packed too much. My backpack weighs a ton. I’ve got the following:

  • Change of clothes (tee shirt, socks, briefs)
  • Sleeping shorts
  • Dopp Kit with: shaving stuff, medicines, deodorants, bandaids
  • Deck of cards, mini cribbage board, Cosmic Wimpout game
  • Books: The Girl Who Played with Fire and Guerilla Marketing for Writers
  • Notebook
  • Pens and brush pen
  • Sweatshirt
  • NY Times and Providence Journal
  • Lunch (PB&J Sandwich, chips, candy bar, water)
  • Business cards, bookmarks, story download gift cards,
  • laptop (writing on it) and charger (no outlets on bus)
  • Phone (forgot the charger!)
  • Harmonicas (key of  C and Gm(h))
  • thumb drive, headphones

Telling Powerfully

The challenge we face in a world swarming with media input is to create and craft powerful narratives that allow us to effect change in our world. External media-based stories can be overwhelming, numbing and pervasive. Crafting and honing stories that stand independent of those sources is a useful beginning.

And one of the stories to start with is that it is possible for an individual to effect powerful changes in the world.

  • When Thomas Edison pro- claimed, “I’ll make an inexpensive light bulb,” he started a powerful story.
  • When John F. Kennedy promised to put a man on the moon within a decade, he started a powerful story.
  • When Martin Luther King Junior said, “I have a dream,” he told a powerful story.
  • When Rosa Parks said, “I’m not moving,” she told a powerful story.
  • When a young child first says, “I can read that myself,” she is beginning a powerful story.
  • When you say, “I will make this work,” you are creat- ing the future for yourself and your community.

After any powerful story is told, there is still more work to be done. Even the most powerful story may fail if it isn’t framed or presented in the proper context, but without a powerful story the old story will persist, and a new path is impossible.

We tell stories all the time.

Why not make your storytelling more powerful? You can learn to listen for the powerful (and the disempower- ing) stories that others tell, to distinguish which stories are useful and which inhibit growth. You can create and craft a more powerful story, learn to deliver and shape your stories more powerfully. You can lay the foundation for colleagues, coworkers, partners and employees to hear these new stories as they develop. Through stories, people, businesses, and organizations can invent innova- tive responses, and change both perceptions and actions.

Together we can move rivers, build buildings, reshape communities, improve education, grow our economy, defuse conflict, create wealth, help the less fortunate, and leave the world a better place for our children and grand- children.

Once upon a time? No. Now is the time to begin.

<To be Continued>

This is part of an ongoing series of articles based on my “Crafting Stories to Change the World” workshop for businesses, non-profits, and individuals interested in making a difference. More information at http://www.markbinder.com/business/

It’s 2010, which to me seems like a date far far in the future. The world that I grew up in has changed radically, and I can’t pretend I didn’t see it coming.

- Chevy isn’t Chevy. It’s Chevrolet. No, it’s Chevy. And none of us really care, do we?
- BP (and every other major oil company in the world) seems to have pretended that an offshore oil leak was impossible, and made absolutely no plans to fix one. Clueless? Yep.
- And if there’s one constant in our lives, it’s Constant Contact. You and I are bombarded with these canned missives from friends, businesses, non-profits, radio stations, and President Obama.

Which brings me to my week.

As you may know, I’ve got two new story/comedy/spoken words albums being released this year: “A Holiday Present!” and “It Was A Dark and Stormy Night…” My record company and I are hoping that they do the iTunes equivalent of going platinum… but how? And then what?

According to some internet wonk, every “fan” is worth $150. I’m not sure I buy it, but maybe all those new fans will be big spenders… Maybe I’ll get picked up by LiveNation and end up on Dancing with the Stars. (Or maybe a new reality show, “Lying with the Politicians!”)

Anyway, we’ve been looking at how to keep in touch with the millions (fingers crossed) of new fans to come. So, I spent five business days evaluating different email distribution platforms. Constant Contact, Awebber, iContact, Mailchimp, ezinedirector, jangomail…  Why? So that I can count clicks and clickthrus, so that I can track who opens my emails and who ignores them. So I can set “campaigns” and create new marketing strategies…

Truth is I hate ‘em all. Can’t stand them. Too much time required to set them up, too much information given to an anonymous company, and paying for email rubs against my grain.

And the more time I spend on that, the less time I actually spend on writing and telling stories — which is my job.

My conclusion — after much time and internal agony — Keep things the same!
Yes, it is possible, even in the post-post-post-post modern era to maintain the status quo — and save money doing it.

Welcome to the new BarkMinder, same as the old BarkMinder…
In the future, we’ll try to keep the upbeat stories high, the rants to a low, and provide what we used to call, “good stories,” but have now Chevroletized to call, “High Quality Content.”

As always, it will be random, haphazard, and I hope fun for you and your family.

That said, I’ve started to upgrade my electronic distribution methodology, and I thought I’d give you the details.
Tell your friends, join fan pages…

By the way…
Here’s a SUPER Secret…
Next week, I’m told that I’ll be giving away free copies of one of my albums to all my fan club members.
So have folks sign up

Enjoy the day.
- Mark

The electronic distribution segment!

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